WHAT I’M WEARING: PRETTY LITTLE THING PREMIUM BLACK FAUX FUR JACKET,
ZAFUL STAR PRINT DRESS, SUPERGA PLATFORM SNEAKERS VIA SHOPBOP,
MINI CHANEL BAG & RAYBAN AVIATORS
Warm enough for bare legs and yet chilly enough to tuck myself into this enormous faux fur; November in Spain, is strange. The air is indecisive, hovering somewhere between not cold and not warm. As for me? I’m happy for the brisker weather, the air makes an invigorating impact whenever I step out of my cosy apartment where I spend too much time. I cherish the chestnut stall on the street that separates my neighborhood from downtown, everytime I walk past it, I ask myself, is it time to find a scarf? Probably, I always conclude, followed by a, not yet. Truth be told, I’m impatient for this year to end, to tie it up as completed like a present under a tree. It’s been a very full, strange 365 days for me, filled with professional success that I squeezed out of relentless hard work, but with it, stress, bouts of loneliness and a despondency I wish I could shake as effortlessly as the trees shed their leaves these days. It can be damn hard working for yourself, by yourself. Sometimes I wish I had a boss, even just to prevent the embarrassing 4 pm naps I sneak sometimes. I wish I could tell you things, things that might make you more interested in my life because the world prefers happy girls. Not that I am unhappy, some days I do believe I live under that doom but then something lifts me , like Biba rolling over for a hug or finally finding a friend in Barcelona, or the self-published book from a poet I found on pinterest arriving on my doorstep or, even the damn avocado I ate for lunch. I’m okay, I’m ambling along; that’s what I always tell myself, because what else is there? Trying things, breathing, eating things, battling the fatigue that comes with existing. It’s what we all do in a day, we all seem so concerned about living a life that is thrilling when really, simply living should be a sufficient thrill. And so I suppose the most valuable lesson I’ve learnt so far this year, is that an ease must be established within. Anything else is succumbing to insanity. We can only do so much and we can only try so hard. And perhaps, the naps and the poems or the avocado toast are the most important things in life. It sounds cliched or too easy, but while I understand we all must push our lives in the direction we want them to head, it’s ultimately a forced energy. I’ve learnt that what comes quietly and simply is what should be cherished. I will carve those out as my happiness. Everything else is subject to change; my boyfriend, my job, the amount of money I have. Founding my joy on things that shift is undeniably why I suffer from anxiety. So here’s to a deep breath, a nap, a new book, my Biba and a ripe avocado, everything else spins around me but these things are good and stable, always mine and they will never change.