time slow, away, alone


Everyday at least a few of you come to me for life advice, from healthy eating to beauty products to what I do in the gym or how to decorate a new apartment. Most of the time I barely feel qualified to offer any sort of guidance because 28 years has solidly taught me that really, I don’t know much at all, I’ll awkwardly give heartfelt suggestions but always in knowledge that a legitimate counsel I am not. I’m a happy soul but the world confuses me, mostly the people existing on it. Everything came at me this week here in Barcelona; professionally speaking it’s a frustrating city to live and in regards to dating, I’ve surrended the puppetshow this city offers entirely. I am not complaining, as Lorde expresses in her latest song, there really is no such thing as a perfect place and there are many, many things I love about this city too. But by the end of the week, I was absolutely overwhelmed by how underwhelmed I was with people who often seem to be cosmically placed in my life to taunt me. I couldn’t face this city so I cancelled all my weekend plans for a solitary few days instead, forcing time alone to move slow was precisely what I required. Jean Paul Sartre was right when he asserted that hell, is indeed, other people. And in the mood I was in on Friday night, the only FOMO I was experiencing was fear of missing out on time away from everyone. The parties, the dinners, the beach will always be there on rotation, time by oneself is hard to squeeze in.


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For me to relax, I firstly need to strip my days of a schedule, with the exception of the gym and cooking. The hours between those are to do whatever I please and I ignore even trivial things like the piles of laundry or the 10 cardboard boxes next to my front door. A few work commitments forced me onto my phone, and I did share an Instagram story, however aside from those, I discarded that screen entirely, opting for a watch instead as so often I find myself wondering what time it is, a glance at my phone turns into an hour of responding to every notification that’s popped up. My Henry London watches are always on a wristly rotation, so I strapped on my new one, grabbed my wallet and skipped over to my local café for a glass of wine to re-read the highlighted parts of one of my favourite books. I bought fresh peonies, I ambled over to Sephora and treated myself because shopping makes all of us as women feel better, it’s absolutely ridiculous but also, completely true. I took naps, multiple naps followed by multiple lattes. Biba and I rolled around on the floors, we went for a morning walk and another at sunset. I spent my nights at the gym, sealed away from people by loud music in my ears. Excerise is a therapy for me and while I might not always savour it during the process, both the mental and physical glow afterwards are my favourite sensations in this life. I stayed up far past midnight, writing for no reason but unconscious self-expression with no concern for coherency or quality. I wore nice clothes, little makeup and messy hair. Funny how I enjoy clothes but the beauty aspect of getting dressed is usually tedious to me. Essentially, I simply indulged in all the things I do alone that make me feel better, dismissing every single responsibility is a required practice in this endeavour we call adulthood, especially when every duty is tackled alone, like in my life. I don’t have a boyfriend, boss or colleagues to share amenability with, in fact I’m on the brink of hiring new people for a new slow-forming venture; Frassy is a team of 3 and I’m already anxious. A dog at times feels like too much, at times even the damned laundry, how quickly my fridge empties or the constant bills, all feel like insurmountable tasks. Being an adult self-sufficient entrepreneur is great but it is also great work. An enforced ease is indeed a need. How slow this weekend has crawled by, lethargically, deliciously so, with no frantic notifications or emails, simply Henry on my wrist reminding me that there are still many hours ahead to move slow, quietly, alone…

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